I Don't Care Much For Love Poems

I don't care much for love poems - even those of sweet Emily. But Emily's were tolerable. They seemed to say something aside from the "Oh, I love him so" genera that seems to have run so ramped in poetry of love.

There was a poem that I had memorized from one of the Random House books I got from the library when I was younger. It was by Unknown. (Quite a silly name, that.) Anyway, it goes like this:

Around the corner

And under the tree
The handsome Major
Made love to me

He kissed me once
He kissed me twice
'Twas a very naughty thing to do...
But very nice

And sure, puppy love is great and all, but the love that Dickinson spoke of seemed more real. It seemed more like what love is like - the ups and downs and twists and turns and suicidal jumps. The hate that also comes with love. You had those poems like the one about the Major, but you also had poems of unrequited love and unhealthy love and love that wasn't really love. You have angst and depth. And that's something that you don't get with the Major poem - that's all giggles and flowers. It's too happy to seem real.

XXXII

HE put the belt around my life,—
I heard the buckle snap,
And turned away, imperial,
My lifetime folding up
Deliberate, as a duke would do	5
A kingdom’s title-deed,—
Henceforth a dedicated sort,
A member of the cloud.
Yet not too far to come at call,
And do the little toils	10
That make the circuit of the rest,
And deal occasional smiles
To lives that stoop to notice mine
And kindly ask it in,—
Whose invitation, knew you not	15
For whom I must decline?

As a reader, this poem here almost seems like a trap. Notice the first couple lines - "He put a belt around my life,-/ I heard the buckle snap,"; what's she saying? That whomever she loved had somehow imprisoned her in said love? That loving him wasn't what she thought it would be? Maybe she's not talking at all about herself, but her sister-in-law and dear, beloved friend Sara? Sara married Emily's brother, and mayhap Emily saw that her brother didn't really love Sara or vice-verse. Maybe it was just a marriage of convince. After all, dear fellows, as we were told, Sara was deathly scared of childbirth and intimacy, and she had sought several abortions. (Not that an abortion is bad or anything - it's a **woman's** body and hence her choice to do with it as she pleases; the only person she need answer to is whatever form of God in which she believes.)

When I read this poem, I feel like I'm drowning a little - like I'm suffocating. That love match seems so oppressive - so... I don't know... so bleak. So unlike love. And sometimes there's no love in a match - it could be for money or power or society or whatever but not love.

LII

HE touched me, so I live to know
That such a day, permitted so,
I groped upon his breast.
It was a boundless place to me,
And silenced, as the awful sea	5
Puts minor streams to rest.
And now, I ’m different from before,
As if I breathed superior air,
Or brushed a royal gown;
My feet, too, that had wandered so,	10
My gypsy face transfigured now
To tenderer renown.

And this poem here speaks of great intimacy. With whom is unknown, just as the 'I' is unknown. Could it be Emily? Could it be her brother? Or Sara? Or her brother's lover? Who knows?! But this poem here seems so much more intense than the Major poem. And it seems so much more real. When you're in true love - or what you think is true love - you feel like you can do those things - silence the sea and rest the streams. You feel that you're changed. And, while I have yet to encounter a love that so moves me to feel as such, I'm sure that you'd know when you felt changed by something.

It would seem funny that she would say that her feet had wandered so, if Emily is the 'I', because she was sort of a hermit. She didn't like to leave her house. And people can say that she was agoraphobic or that it's bullshit (so says the artist in the movie we viewed), but who are we to say. Maybe Emily really was agoraphobic and maybe she wasn't. Would she laugh at the artist? (I think so, even if she wasn't agoraphobic, for the simple reason - Emily seems above her somehow.)

If you don't know what agoraphobia is, go here: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/agoraphobia/ds00894

This is from the Mayo Clinic, and it tells a little about what agoraphobia is. Here's a blurb:

Definition

By Mayo Clinic staff

Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder related to fear. With agoraphobia, you fear being in places where it may be difficult or embarrassing to get out quickly or where you may have a panic attack and can't get help. Because of your fears, you avoid places where you think you may have a panic attack or panic-like symptoms.

People with agoraphobia often have a hard time feeling safe in any public place, especially where crowds gather. Commonly feared places and situations are elevators, sporting events, lines, bridges, public transportation, driving, shopping malls and airplanes. The fears can be so overwhelming that some people are essentially trapped in their own homes — it's the only place they feel truly safe, so they don't venture out into public at all.

Agoraphobia treatment can be challenging because it usually means confronting your fears. A combination of medications and psychotherapy can help you escape the trap of agoraphobia and live a more enjoyable life.

And I should know because I have it to an extent. I don't like places where I can't move as freely as I would like (stores or restaurants), but it's not so bad that I can't leave my home. Sure, when I first started having the panic attacks, I didn't want to leave - I felt almost physically nauseous when I knew I had to go out - but I still went, because the idea of being stuck in my home - as much as I love this house - scared me almost more than going outside, I think. But I still feel a little tight in the chest when I get surrounded by people.

But if Emily was agoraphobic and confined to her home, ok - great, sure; they didn't understand the phobia then like they do today. And if she just wanted to hole up in her home and be hermit-like, great too. It was her life, and we can never accuse her of not living it the way she wanted to live it.

My favorite poem doesn't come from the love section. It actually comes from the Time and Eternity section.

XXVII

BECAUSE I could not stop for Death,
He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.
We slowly drove, he knew no haste,	5
And I had put away
My labor, and my leisure too,
For his civility.
We passed the school where children played
At wrestling in a ring;	10
We passed the fields of gazing grain,
We passed the setting sun.
We paused before a house that seemed
A swelling of the ground;
The roof was scarcely visible,	15
The cornice but a mound.
Since then ’t is centuries; but each
Feels shorter than the day
I first surmised the horses’ heads
Were toward eternity.	20

I don't know exactly what it is, but this one takes my breath away every time. Maybe it's the fact that it can show an eternity happen in a second, and time is just a human misconception. I don't know, but I think it's beautiful and timeless and great.

And it says to me: "Run up and ring Death's doorbell and run away. He hates that." So, go play ding-dong-ditch with Death. But not like a gangbanger or something - Death, as in the Grim Reaper and The Hooded Skeleton - yanno. Death. And give his horses a carrot or something. They like carrots.