The Darker Side of Fae-Tales: A Satire.
There’s a broken-hearted gypsy
Somewhere out there in Wonderland tonight
Her lover ran off with Alice through the looking glass
Much to her dismay, and Alice’s delight.
The Cheshire Cat stopped smiling
The Queen of Hearts lay dead
The Hatter’s not so mad anymore
And the White Rabbit paints the town red.
Cinderella doesn’t sing anymore
About how true dreams can come
Palace life wasn’t all it’s cracked up to be
In fact – it’s left her quite numb.
Her prince has disappeared
The mice have scampered away
Even that blasted cat Lucifer
Has gone somewhere to play.
Snow White’s back with the dwarves
All six of them – that’s right
Grumpy surprised them all
And holed-up with the Prince real tight.
She killed the evil, narcissistic Queen
And now they’re haunted by her ghost
But she doesn’t much complain
Snow’s looks took a nose-dive off the coast.
Ariel ate Flounder
It was all a terrible mistake
Sebastian told him not to go near the nets
And now the fish is on a plate – baked.
Eric’s still quite charming
But her sisters are all hags
Always bugging her for something
Or trying to kidnap Eric with a gag.
Jill pushed Jack down the well
The second time they went up
But she didn’t see the dog on the way down
She tripped, fell, and down the well went the pup.
The lady in the shoe got fed-up with the children
Eventually she just said: “Screw it!”
Now she lives in the Bahamas
Must have eloped with the pool boy – and everyone knew it!
Little Bo Peep ate her sheep
The butcher in town’s her friend
She got a good deal on the chops
And the sheep never knew it till the bitter end.
The spider doesn’t bother Miss Muffet
He crawled in her bowl by mistake
She didn’t much mind the crunch in her mush
But his poison left a shell in its wake.
Dracula got tired of being the Fiend of the Night
He tried to eat garlic but retched
So he went for a walk in the morning sun
Hm – sounds a little far-fetched.
But Lucy’s still dead as could be
And Van Helsing – that ol’ dog
He and Mina ran away
And left poor Jonathan alone in the fog.
The Prince got tired of Repunzel’s hair
It got all over the place
When the witch asked why he returned her
He pushed a clump in her face.
He said he’d tried to cut it
But she threw a holy fit
And then he couldn’t foot the food bill
Her stomach’s a bottomless pit!
Gretel is mean, old, and lazy
And Hansel is nothing but fat
All they do is argue and fuss
OH! – Hansel just ate the cat.
The witch got tired of people eating her house
The gingerbread always got icky
And the smell was so pukingly sweet
Her teeth were rather quite sickly.
Pumpkins are so overrated
He dug up a skull instead
The Horseman still can’t see though
And tripped over the horse’s bed.
Icabod learned to face his fears
Guess Katrina no longer wears the pants
‘Cause he swore to her he’d leave her
If he suffered through another one of her rants.
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