Ok, so here is some random awesome that I have discovered. I would like to say that I rock at this, but, sadly, no... not really. Not really at all. Sorry, guys.
Anyway, here it goes.
- Sometimes I open the fridge door and stare at the contents for no reason at all.
- Wonder why I have the uncontrollable urge to lean out the car window and yell, "MOO!" every time I pass a cow?
- Did you know that you can't hum with your nose plugged? Ha! Now you're trying it, aren't you?
- I didn't fall! Everyone was walking all over the floor, and it looked lonely... so, I gave it a hug.
- No, I did NOT trip. I attacked the floor with my awesome NINJA skills...
- The great unanswered question in life: At a movie theater, which armrest is yours?
- I love squirrels! They're like cute little puffballs of disaster.
- Wonder if anyone else has ever noticed that the longer you look at a word, it starts to look strange, and you question the spelling?
- I wonder why I turn the radio down in my car while looking for an address... like it'll help me see any better...
- Watching a squirrel run along the fence and singing the 'Mission Impossible' theme song.
- According to WebMD, my symptoms mean that I died three years ago.
- You never realize how weird you and your true friends are until you try to explain what you did together without stopping and laughing at random times.
- Think of tangerines as cute mini-oranges!!
- Sometimes, I just sit back and think of how funny the world would be without elbows.
- I sometimes wish life was a musical. That way, I can break out into random song about anything, and no one will think it's weird. They'll just join in with some awesomely perfect choreography!
- How does the bus driver close the door after they get off the bus?
- Back to my original question: Are you gonna help me and the squirrels take over the world, or what?
- It's a beautiful day! The sun's shining. The birds are singing. The leaves are... doing whatever it is that leaves do...
- Whenever I flush a bug down the toilet, I have to watch a minute to make sure it doesn't come back up all zombie style with revenge in its tiny heart.
- I believe Humpty Dumpty was pushed.
- Pleading the 5th on what was done for a Klondike Bar.
- "Do you work here?" Nah! I escaped from the mental hospital and just dress up like a retail worker to mess with your mind.
- Today, I spent five minutes shaking Jell-O because it looked cool. I regret nothing.
- What would happen if you rolled a Slinky down and Up Escalator?
- Remember kids -- skinny girls freeze to death faster!
- When you catch a fish and release it, does it go back to the other fish and tell them it was abducted by aliens?
No comments:
Post a Comment